The Top 5 Transfers That Will Never Happen

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Will David De Gea leave Manchester United? Who cares. Why is everyone obsessed with Virgil Van Dijk? No idea. The summer transfer window is the most click-baity season of the year. Rumors and good old-fashioned back stabbing rule the headlines. So let’s have some fun with it. These the top 5 transfers that’ll never happen.

1. Lionel Messi to the Premier League: Is Messi a player that needs to prove himself in England? Absolutely not. That ship’s sailed. He’ll never leave Barcelona for another European side. It’s not going to happen. Plus, Nolito’s scathing TripAdvisor review about living in Manchester probably crushed City’s dreams of landing Messi for good.

2. Cristiano Ronaldo to MLS: Ronaldo will play for one more team after winning everything with Real Madrid, but unless he’s owning a new team or creating one under his own name, Cristiano would be a fool to move to America. Whatever Beckham does, Ronaldo can do better. But playing in the MLS is a challenge he doesn’t need. Plus, Pirlo and Gerrard ruined it for him.

3. Mbappé to Arsenal: Mbappé wants to play for the French manager in Madrid. And we’re talking about Arsenal. Next.

4. Paul Pogba to Real Madrid: You can’t be a record-signing twice in one lifetime. Pogba had his chance to play for Zidane at Madrid, but he “chose” his ex-employer instead. Who does that?

5. Antoine Griezmann to Real Madrid or Barcelona: Figo and Ronaldo (R9) made it cool to play for a bitter, hated rival, but don’t expect anyone that has played for Diego Simeone to play for the enemy. Would you cross Simeone?

BONUS! Wayne Rooney to a championship contender: I have a lot respect for Rooney, an England and Premier League legend. But even going back to Everton feels like a stretch for a player with so much mileage.

Let me know when Mbappé makes a decision, but until then I’ll be binge-watching House of Cards, Silicon Valley and VICE documentaries. Enjoy your summer.

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